I can always count on my faithful panda community to alert me to important stories (especially about bears behaving badly!) but sometimes the NooZ comes via other sources like Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, or The Stephen Colbert show.
This little NooZ story came from both of them and so the booking team at ZooNooZ arranged for an interview with this newfound celebrity!
WE love the cheesiest jokes!
Be the Bear,
Bob T it wasn’t me Panda
While there now appear to be many A.I. generated videos of bears doing naughty things in places they don’t belong, (FAKE NOOZ! FAKE NOOZ!!!!) this was a real story as reported by some semi reputable noon source.
So here is a little mystery, which I think has been solved. While I was away on my trip that the republicans partly ruined by closing access to Binky Li and QB shutting down the government, visits to The Panda Chronicles went way up. Like a lot. Where I usually get between 40 and 100+/- visits a day, I was getting 400 or more, and a couple days over 1000 visits.
As this has resulted in absolutely no new subscriptions, I can only conclude that I was being swarmed by bots and not a newfound horde of panda satire enthusiasts. If, indeed, you are a newcomer to panda satire, please comment! Visits seem to be back down to normalish levels now, but who knows? I get a lot of spam comments from Russian bots (which is the reason all comments must be approved before I post them) so maybe they invited their friends.
Be the Bear
Bob T it’s nice to visit other bears Panda
It’s kind of like taking your car to one of those fancy car wash places, right?
Be the Bear
Bob T is keeping an eye out for Josie Panda
Well, things could be worse, I guess.
We’re not lost, we’re just…um…unlocated.
Be the Bear
Bob T I can’t wait to see what happens next Panda
It seems like we should be way further along than part 5 of this adventure, but maybe that is because every day seems like it is lasting about 2 years. I wish escaping Mitten’s 2nd Reign of Terror was as easy as driving away with a couple of bears, but alas, we are stuck here for the duration or whatever is coming next.
So, without further ado (about nothing) let’s hop in the backseat with Ping as Frank and Mikey continue on their journey to hang out with their friends at the Falls, for the Fat Bear Festival.
Don’t drive like my brother!
Be the Bear
Bob T is lost in the woods Panda
A busy day here at Panda Satire (Institute of Contemporary Thereof) headquarters, but we pulled this one out of our…well, you know.
Frank, Mikey, and Ping are on the road! Maybe they will be invited to Taylor Swift’s wedding!
Things are getting worse with the “man” who would be King. We will keep poking the bear, as it were!
Panda on, everyone!
Bob T going down swinging Panda
BTW, there have been many reports of bears behaving badly, including a bear that wanted to work in an ice cream shop. Can I say we scooped that bear by about 14 years? Huh? Can we?
The Panda Chronicles predicts the future!
It has been suggested that Frank and Mikey *might* have done more to fend off the ICE Maiden.
Fortunately, They are picking up the slack on the back end, as it were!
I really haven’t looked at the NooZ today. Has anything happened out in the world?
Be the Bear
Bob T pass the linzertorte Panda
When at least a dozen people alert me to a NooZ story about bears AND all the major networks, major noozpapers and Youtube cover the story, you know that either the bears have eaten someone important (don’t get your hopes up), or some bears have done something adorable but naughty!
Young Pookies Mish and Lucy, a brother and sister pair rescued in Albania in 2021, had gone to live at an animal sanctuary in Devon, in the UK. A wild release had been attempted when they were a couple years old, but, ever the smartie bears, Mish and Lucy knew a good thing when they saw it, and refused the offer to “be free bears!”
While all the major NooZ outlets had the story, ONLY ZooNooZ got the interview!
The keepers referred to them as “naughty bears” in one story, and said if they ever see those other bears again, you know, the one with the hat and the other one with the fuzzy dice hooked over his ear, they will shoot them on sight.
“They appear to be a bad influence on our sweet, innocent bears,” said one keeper. “We can’t have them corrupting our young bears with their thieving ways.”
Frank and Mikey were unavailable for comment.
Be the Bear
Bob T I thought we needed a fun story Panda
I wasn’t sure if I’d get this done for today, but here we are!
Bears are continuing to behave badly in the Lake Tahoe area (Henrietta says it wasn’t her!) Alert reader Linda L spotted this NooZ story about a bear named Cinnamon (allegedly) who (allegedly) stole a 3 gallon tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream from a local shop (allegedly).
“I don’t know what the fuss is all about,” said former Tahoe resident Henrietta the Tank from her new address in Colorado at a luxury “residential facility”. “It’s not like they can’t make more ice cream. Honestly! Nobody wants to share any more!.”
We all scream for democracy…um…I mean ice cream
Be the Bear
Bob T make mine a triple scoop Panda
As I was erasing all the pencil smoodgies from today’s ‘toon, alert Friend to Bears Frances A. sent me todays Andy Borowitz Report, which, if you are Friendly to Bears, You should definitely read right AFTER you read mine, because I already thought of it without him. Really, I did!
TBF, this one kind of wrote itself, what with all the cruel and inept BS Muskwanker’s flying monkeys have gotten up to.
BEARS!!! amiright?
Frank and Mikey are gonna be pretty busy for a while, I think.
Be the Bear
Bob T is such a card Panda