Category Archives: Bears behaving badly

Here, Kitty Kitty…

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Ooopsie! Here, kitty, kitty! Where are you?

Where does one go when one gets poofed by Pinky? I’m afraid I must admit to a certain amount of irresponsibility. I mean, this is fiction, right? Do I have to have an answer for everything???? Meanwhile, Pinky has to answer to a higher authority for her actions.

Yes: her mom. Just because she is now living on her own in real life, doesn’t mean the same rules apply here.

Now where did that cat go?

Now where did that cat go?

Small bears will get into trouble, won’t they?

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

 

Don’t Make Pinky Mad!

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Why, oh why, did Mehitabel not listen to me? I warned her about picking that precocious princess of panditude for her temporary co-host. Pick Mr. Wu, I suggested. he’s become a responsible sub-adult panda, as his work with Inspector Panda has shown. But no. You had to go for the big star, the Smithsonian icon, figuring it would boost Zoonooz’s ratings for sweeps week.

And look where it got you.

I was really afraid this was going to happen.

I was really afraid this was going to happen. We warned you about that Ides of March thingie, didn’t we?

I can’t help it. I love to draw Pinky when she gets all upset, and…um…poofy. My bad. But where did she go? I guess I’ll find out when you do. That’s what happens when you make Pinky mad. Bad stuff.

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Even more journalistic follies

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If there is one thing we just cannot abide (the Dude, notwithstanding) it is people or …um…pandas, getting credit for something they did not do. But that is just what is going on here at Zoonooz headquarters. Some one is going to have to put a stop to these journalistic follies!

And then there is accidentally confessing to something you did do, but hoping that no one will believe you.

We KNEW that was you!

We KNEW that was you!

Is there more Meihem ahead?

What do you think?

Meanwhile, the panda season of looooove is heating up! More from the PSofL soon! And don’t forget! Today is the Ides of March. We don’t know what that is, but it sounds scary. Beware!

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Are You Still Here?

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Are you still here?…That’s what Mehitabel must be saying to herself about now. Why didn’t I hold auditions? Why did I say okay, when Mei Xiang called me and asked if I could give Pinky a job, just a little something to help her through her transition to big girl panda?

But she didn’t, and now she is paying the price, of having a co-host with a big personality. Maybe Bob could come back early…I’m sure he’s learned his lesson by now, don’t you think?

Archie, is that you?

Archie, is that you?

This story is also courtesy of Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me. What would I do without them?

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

Salute! To the Year of the Sheep

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Once again, the panda kindergarten stages their annual Chinese New Year’s pageant, this year we salute the Year of the Sheep! I know! I know! Are you already picturing little chubby panda kindergarteners dressed up as fluffy little sheep? I know I am.

Of course, in some interpretations, it is The Year of the Ram or the Year of the Goat.

Just saying.

Look out!!!! Oh, those triplets!

Look out!!!! Oh, those triplets!

Really, there is nothing cuter than an upside down panda. Except maybe an upside down panda in a sheep costume.

Be the Bear
Bob T. Panda

The Giant Panda Zoo Awards Part 2

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We couldn’t just leave poor Princess Dumpling with Pinky on top of her wrestling, (or trying to, anyway,) trying to wrestle the award for Panda personality of the year away from Princess Dumpling, the rightful owner. Apparently winning the silver medal was not good enough for Pinky, and she..um…tried to redistribute the awards. Actually, she probably wanted all three awards for Panda Personality and who can blame her?

Princess Dumpling is no dope, however, and she seems to have the lowdown on Pinky and her methods for world domination. Meanwhile, Mr. Wu is probably laughing up the sleeve of his trench coat as Pinky comes face to face with this years terrible trio of interlopers.

Wait a minute...triplets??????

Wait a minute…triplets??????

I’m sure the voting system for the Giant Panda Zoo Awards is quite secure and impervious to devious panda perpetrators, isn’t it?

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

The Giant Panda Zoo Awards Part 1

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Welcome to the event you have all been waiting for! No, it’s not the Super Bowl, although I have heard that it might be happening sometime soon.*  Yes, it’s the Giant Panda Zoo Awards, with your hosts, Babette de Panda, and the actual creator of the Giant Panda Zoo Awards, Jeroen Jacobs. I warned him that I draw pandas much better than I draw people, so if he looks like maybe he might be a panda, I apologize in advance.

Unlike the real world where pandas don’t get much opportunity to socialize with one another, in the world of panda satire and panda stories, pandas really get around a lot. I know, I know, we anthropomorphize pandas and all our pets as well, but heck… why not? Why shouldn’t pandas get to travel and attend award ceremonies? Don’t answer that.

Meanwhile, on with the awards ceremony!

Huzzah!

Introducing Princess Dumpling

Introducing Princess Dumpling

We apologize to anyone who is offended by gratuitous panda butt depictions…oh wait…no we don’t.

* Actually, we do know that the Super Bowl is being played today. We even know who is playing!

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

Tea Time for Pandas

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In our never ending quest to bring culture to the panda kindergarten, Bob decides to introduce them to the quintessential English High Tea, complete with little cucumber sandwiches and…um…cuppycakes.  It is tea time for pandas!

The long, dark tea time of the soul....

The long, dark tea time of the soul….

I think it is time for a little something! I feel rather 11 o’clock-ish.

Just a reminder to stay tuned to this station on your internet dial, as next week we bring you more from the Giant Panda Zoo Awards! Interviews with award winning pandas, as they walk on the red carpet and pass through the velvet ropes, keeping the riff-raff away (and of course, by riff-raff, we mean anyone who isn’t Pinky)

Get ready for a star studded evening as all the nominated pandas strut their stuff for their fans.

Till then, Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

Bao Bao Responds to Her Defeat…

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Today, our nation’s number one panda, Bao Bao responds to her stunning defeat in this years Giant Panda Zoo Awards. The GPZA is a little like the Acadamy Awards, for pandas, so it’s easy to see why little miss Pinky would be so um…shall we say agitated? by her disappointing showing in this year’s voting.

But first, we have a story of sordid deception, tragedy, sugar overload, unfair advantage and death by chocolate, brought to our attention by one of our alert readers, Ms Jayelle of Brooklyn NY, about  some hunting practices that IMHO are just the tiniest bit unfair, not to mention not very sporting. Now before anyone gets their panties in a knot, let me say I am an unashamed carnivore, or I suppose more accurately, omnivore. I have friends and neighbors who hunt deer and elk and stock their freezers to feed their family for the winter.

I say bravo, and that they are more honest eaters than I am, as the only hunting I do is for what’s on sale at our local grocery store.  But this tale, from the bear centric area of New Hampshire smacks of unfairness to me. I mean, who doesn’t know that bears love sweets, and that chocolate can kill your dog if he eats enough of it.  So, in the spirit of the Panda Chronicles, (meaning that we make fun of stuff, no matter how serious it actually is) here is our response to this story.

If I have but one life to live, let me give it for a cuppycake.

If I have but one life to live, let me give it for a cuppycake.

And now, as promised, Princess Pinky’s first response to the news that she did not win the gold medal in the Giant Panda Zoo Awards, (despite her…um…best efforts)

You might want to cover your ears.

Don't tell me you're surprised.

Don’t tell me you’re surprised.

We’ll have more from our recorded coverage of the actual Giant Panda Awards ceremony, coming to you on The Panda Channel, host of Zoonooz, in the weeks to come. Stay tuned so you don’t miss it, or better yet, sign up to get new posts three times a week in your inbox. You can also sign up for our monthly (I swear I am going to get to this really soon) Newsletter. Both sign-ups are at the top of the right hand column on all pages, except for the home page.

Be the bear!
Bob T. Panda

 

You can bring a bear to culture…

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…but you can’t make them behave themselves.

You know the old saying, you can bring a bear to culture, but you can’t make them learn the ancient rites of the tea ceremony, but that doesn’t stop Bob from trying to bring culture and refinement to the panda kindergarten. I can hardly write that last sentence without snorting and giggling madly. Some how, “culture and refinement” used in the same sentence as “panda kindergarten” invokes the image of merriment and …um…Meihem.

You can lead a bear to culture, but....

You can lead a bear to culture, but….

Hmmm…Bob will have to call on his inner panda to recover from this learning experience with the panda kindergarten. As you may have noticed, Pinky and the Meihems are now full members in good (or is that bad?) standing in the panda kindergarten. Pinky was a first round draft pick.

I can’t let the Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday go by, without mentioning that it marks my 27th year of creative self employment. While I have had to be even more creative in the last six years in the making a living part, it has been an excellent ride, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. In fact, had the economy not gone sideways, panda satire might never have come into existence! And isn’t that a thought that would keep you up at night?

Keep Being the bear. I couldn’t do it without you.
Bob T. Panda