Category Archives: the essential pandaness of being

Pinky has a Cunning Plan

Oh that Pinky! She snuck off to the Iowa caucuses, using Daddy’s credit cards and now there are rumors of her showing up in New Hampshire, as well as appearances scheduled in South Carolina! But what kind of cunning plan has she used so that no one will realize she has left the zoo?

And is her willingness to let Bubba play with Mr. Bun NOT a sign that Pinky has learned to share (as IF!!!!) but a way to buy his silence when she sneaks out of the zoo?

What do YOU think?

That Pinky is too clever for her own good!

Meanwhile, after listening to the GOP “debates” on Saturday night, (didn’t I have anything better to do? Apparently not.) I think I can honestly say that having a roomful of baby pandas on stage would not have been any more unruly than what was happening before the world and everyone. I get that there are legitimate differences of opinions both between and within political parties. I have even (gasp!) voted for republicans in state elections. But I think that requiring participants of these “debates” to wear shock collars which would provide a mild but emphatic shock when the wearer lied, would have provided a more illuminating discussion. Just saying.

You have a clear choice. #HeyWhyNotVote4Bob or #Vote4Pinky

We could do worse.

Be the Bear
Bob T Panda

What do you mean by “um”?

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A faithful reader, (okay, well, it was my brother,) suggested that I remind people just what WOOZPPAH stands for. So here I go: WOOZPPAH stands for WOOdlandpark Zoo Project PandaH… and I know, I know..there is no “H” at the end of ‘Panda’ but it seemed more festive with an ‘H’ at the end. Kind of like ” There is no ‘R’ in Washington,” as my friend Sandy Bradley always used to say on the old Potluck Show on Saturday mornings in a Wallingford tavern.

But, being that the word WOOZPPAH is kind of obscure, and you have to explain it every time you use it, we need a zippy hashtag so that our movement to bring pandas to Washington State, (or even better, Seattle, or even better than that, Whidbey Island, which while it doesn’t have a zoo, it does have any number of properties with out of control bamboo growing on them.)

If you’re just tuning in, check out our other ‘toons about WOOZPPAH here! And here!

We promise we’ll clean up after them and EVERYTHING! It won’t be like the thing with the goldfish, honest!

So put your thinking cap on and come up with some really good hastags for our campaign to bring pandas to Washington State. This is really, really important, because…um,,, well you are just going to have to take my word for it! It just is!

Tune in on Friday for more from the Princess Pinky Bridgegate scandal! Maybe she will have news about how she did at the Iowa Caucuses!

Be the Bear,
Bob T Panda

Woozppah Again!

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Surely you don’t think that now that there is even the faintest hope of Pandas to the Other Washington, that we would ever let this subject drop.

Never!

And by the way, while we have had …um…one (well three, but all by the same person) entry into our #FindAHashtag contest, we are hoping for a more enthusiastic response. Anyone? To refresh your memory, we need a Twitter hashtag for the WOOZPPAH movement, to bring pandas to Seattle. There’s a prize for the winning entry!

Meanwhile, the Eastern states (that already have pandas) are thawing out a bit and visitors are returning to the Pinksonian Zoo to visit Bubba, Pinky, and their parents. Many people hoped that papa bear Tian Tian would do a reprise of his snow fun video, but he turned his back to the crowd of cameras and reporters and …um…had a little snack. Hey! He’s a panda, and he’s a guy panda. Nothing gets between a guy panda and his snack, OKAY?????

Meanwhile, here is the latest from Woozppah!

If only we could have just a couple of pandas….

It will be so much fun to have pandas in Washington State! And if anyone knows how to contact the Washington State Panda Foundation, drop us a comment okay? Panda satire thrives on pandas, you know. And…um…cuppycakes, but that is another matter!

See you later this week for more from WOOZPPAH, and more on Fabulous Furry Friday about the Highwaygate Scandal.

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Pacific Northwest Pandas

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Ever since I became a pandaholic (I’m not ashamed of my love), one of the great causes for sadness in my life is the fact that I have to get on a plane if I want to go and visit pandas. Not that I have any wish to live in Washington DC, especially as they are in the grasp of Snomaggedon 2016, but why, oh why can’t we have pandas in Seattle?

Well, it turns out that people who can get things done are actually talking to folks in China who hand out pandas (the Office of Panda Procurement and Proliferation). We have no idea if they will be successful in bringing pandas to Washington State, but be assured that we are keeping our fuzzy ears to the ground on this one!

I bet Seattle Pandas would vote for Bob!

I can also attest to the fact that bamboo grows really well around here, so if there were Pacific Northwest Pandas they would have plenty of bamboo to choose from! The weather here is very conducive to panda proliferation, so what’s holding us back (I mean besides vast sums of money)? So, if you are a Seattle area millionaire with a fondness for the fuzzy black and white bears, now is the time to come forward and say “I want pandas!!!!!”

There remains only one crucial piece of this campaign to bring pandas to the Pacific Northwest and that is…(wait for it) a really good Twitter hashtag! Please add your suggestions for a Twitter hashtag to the comments section and I will give the contributor of the best hashtag suggestion a signed copy of my latest book, The Panda Chronicles Book 6: We R Endangered (sorry, US entrants only, but even if you don’t live in the US, please share your suggestions. I’ll come up with something less expensive to mail if you have the winning suggestion.)

Till next time!

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

A late note: An alert reader brought to my attention, the news that Chuck Todd on Meet the Press not only played the video of Tian Tian frolicking in the snow, but suggested that maybe a panda should be president. I am not making this up. She thought it might be code for “Vote 4 Pinky” but it could just as easily be “Hey! Why not vote for Bob?”

Behind the Scenes at The Panda Chronicles

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You may wonder what the lives of The Panda Chronicles pandas are like when they are not on camera. Mr Wu, being a California bear, enjoys surfing and driving around in his cubvertable. The Meihem twins, besides being Panda Scouts, enjoy relaxing together and plotting ways to make Pinky mad.

And Pinky… well, Pinky likes to relax in her luxuriously appointed private quarters, while catching up on some educational reading.

What is Pinky reading?

And if you are wondering what your nearest and dearest would like for this year’s holiday, consider Pinky’s campaign swag!

Although why I am suggesting this instead of “Hey! Why not vote for Bob” merchandise is beyond me!

Aren’t we in enough trouble already?

Be the Bear
Bob T. Panda

Let the excesses of the season begin! It’s almost time for 31 Days of Pandas!

I am Thankful

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I am thankful for pandas, for laughter, for days the sun shines in my window, for misty mornings where everything is gray, and a panda…might…just …walk out of the fog.

Princess Pinky says, she is thankful for cuppycakes and da panda kindygarten and her magical wand!

I am thankful that I still have a roof over my head, enough resources to keep the heat on and food on my table. I am thankful for those who help those who do not.

I am thankful for kindness, for peaceful dealings, especially with those who might not be in agreement with me. I am thankful for the help of friends, in big ways and small.

I am thankful for all of you who read my ‘toons, buy my books, engage in panda chat on Twidder and Fezbook. I haven’t had this much fun since kindergarten.

I am thankful for the mentor program through the Nevada chapter of SCBWI that welcomed a goofy story about pandas into the program, and all the lovely people I met there and hope will be connected to for a long time.

Be kind, be generous, be peaceful, be the bear.
Bob T. Panda

(back to business as usual tomorrow!)

Busing for Beavers

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What else could you call relocation of 76 beavers in Idaho in 1948, except busing for beavers? We recently heard this story, which came courtesy of the Boise, Idaho NPR station. The funniest things are occasionally true, true things are often funny. (At least we think they are.)

Of course, The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire couldn’t sleep until we commented on this exciting bit of history.

And leave it to the vivd imagination of the panda kindergarten, to see a parallel between the 1948 Beaver Air-Drop and a possible solution to the current rat problem that new York City is facing.

Uh oh! It’s the panda kindergarten and they have a plan!

Over here Mr. Kitty! We have a surprise for you!

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Happy Birthday To You!

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Well, this may be a first for The Panda Chronicles.

You know how people who are born on holidays like Christmas or 4th of July always complain that no one ever really celebrates their birthday because..um…MAJOR HOLIDAY!!!!!DUH!!!!

So, think about what it means to be born on what is probably the most infamous day in recent American history (and I don’t mean the day that the Supremes appointed George W. President) Yeah, I am talking about the ultimate conversation stopper. What if your birthday is on September 11th? Let me put that another way, in case you missed the reference.

What if your birthday was on 9/11?

Well, that just happens to be the case for one of The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire’s most faithful followers, a young woman from my home town of Phillie PA. so in honor of your birthday, we bring you….

A Salute to Cake! Happy Birthday, Cami Taylor!!!!!

Bob T. Portrait with cuppycake

All salute the sacred cuppycake!

Thanks again to Henry Nicholls for alerting me to this story

Legalize cake today! Prevent illicit cuppycake activities.

Escape! Come with me, little cake, so we can be alone together.

Bee-lieve!

One panda’s disaster is another panda’s delight!

Mini Bob Contemplates some cuppycakes from the famous London Bakery, Peggy Porschens

Mini Bob Contemplates some cuppycakes from the famous London Bakery, Peggy Porschen Cakes

Well, apparently, much to my surprise, I could go on and on with cartoons of pandas and cakes, but I won’t!

Happy birthday, once again Cami….be sure to…um…have some cake. How did I know about this? Let’s just say that small pandas have big mouths. I’m looking at YOU, Emperor Pew! ( see article: When good pandas go bad!) Thanks for alerting me to the news that there is something to celebrate about 9/11. That Bamboo Psychic network is really something!

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

We Paws to Reflect…

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…on the fragility of life, especially of baby pandas and all endangered species. Here at The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire, we make a lot of fun of contemporary culture, society, politics, and, of course, pandas.

We paws to reflect on the passing of one of our joys and treasures, a newborn panda cub at the National Zoo in Washington DC. I have every confidence that the outstandingly talented panda team and panda mom extraordinaire Mei Xiang did everything they could to keep that little cub alive. I have no doubt that they will do the same to nurture and protect the surviving cub.

For today’s encore presentation, I share with you the drawing I did to commemorate the cub that did not survive, the year before Pinky Bao Bao’s birth in 2013. I am reminded that nature is sometimes cruel, or at least it seems that way.

goodbye my friend.

We will panda on, no matter what. We R All Endangered. You can follow the news about the NZ pandas on twitter, using the National Zoo’s special panda hashtag, #PandaStory.

Bob T Panda

Make Way, Make Way, a Panda is Born

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We interrupt these regularly scheduled pandas to announce that at 4:36 EDST a cub was born at the National Zoo to Mei Xiang.

huzzah!