Category Archives: the essential pandaness of being

If I Were a Panda…

If I were a panda…yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yaaaaa….oh wait… I AM a panda!

But earlier this week, Theodore Bikel, the actor who immortalized the role of Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof, died, so I fought it was appropriate that Fabulous Furry Friday have an encore presentation of the cartoons that the role inspired.

Today, I am a Bear…..

Today, you are a bear.

Today, you are a bear.

...if I were a panda, yadda dah dah da- da- da-  AAARGH!  I can't stop!!!!!

…if I were a panda, yadda dah dah da- da- da- AAARGH! I can’t stop!!!!!

And somewhere, Theodore Bikel is spinning in his grave….

I am not that kind of bear!

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

 

 

 

It’s Official! Pinky is More Popular Than…

We now have absolute proof that Pinky is more popular than…

Any. Other. Animal. At. The. Smithsonian. Zoo. I bet you thought I was going to quote John Lennon.

At least any that have their own animal cam. The elephants were the closest contenders, with over 600,000 views. Pah! Chicken feed!!!! Do you want to guess how many views the panda cam had in 2014? Oh…you already looked. Well, if you were waiting for me to tell you, the panda cam had in excess of 38,000,000 views. Rumor has it, the panda cam takes more than 60% of the zoo’s bandwidth (whatever that is). Well… do you really want to watch anyone other than Pinky?

editors note: We just received a clarification from a reader who actually knows this for a fact (because she works for the Smithsonian) that the panda cam actually takes up 60% of the ENTIRE SMITHSONIAN bandwidth (19 museums and 9 research centers), not just the Zoo. Ahem.  Pinky IS an icon. Just sayin’

I thought not.

Proof positive of Pinky's persuasive popularity!

Proof positive of Pinky’s persuasive popularity!

Which leads to me to my other “truth is weirder than fiction but provides great inspiration for panda satire” news story: Pinky Money! Okay, it’s really just a commemorative coin, but a small bear can dream, can’t she? (Note: this is NOT an endorsement for Pinky Money.)

BTW, we apologize for not adding any more of the WeREndangered mug series that we promised. We were “away” (no, not in prison!) for a few weeks and then got sick on our return, so the new mug program is set back a bit. I’m going to get right on it though! Bee the Bear and Mr. Wu are not waiting very patiently, and neither are the Meihems. Stay tuned to the Panda Channel and we will let you know when they are on the shelf.

Be the Bear and vote Pinky Pinky Pinky in 2016!
Bob T Panda

Sneaky Bob

Well, that was a dramatic announcement last week, wasn’t it? Pinky has informed her mother that she will be running for president! But….I got three whole (very sincere) votes in the last election! Doesn’t that count for anything?

Bob wouldn't try anything sneaky, would he?   Would he???????

Bob wouldn’t try anything sneaky, would he? Would he???????

We Need to Talk

Has there ever been a phrase that strikes terror into a …um…panda’s heart like we need to talk?Just when mama Mei Xiang thought that things would be calming down, and she could think about whether it was time to start knitting some panda booties…..

Pinky for what??????

Pinky for what??????

Pinky has a surprise up her sleeve for mommee and daddee, I think. Well, at least it will distract her from the prospect of having a sibling (or two!) to contend with. Oh my…the fur may fly this summer.

Be the bear!
Bob T. Panda

Fabulous Furry Earth Day

It has come to my attention, that this week we celebrate Earth Day, a day to thank our lovely planet for being there, and could we please not mess it up any more than we already have, and maybe fix a thing or two while we are at it.

I remember the first Earth Day, because I was in high school at the time (please, do NOT do the math) and what an amazing concept it seemed at the time. Pandas, of course have been all over this from even before Earth Day was a “thing”, trying to find ways to reduce our carbonated footprints.

are you SURE it's not "carbonated"?

are you SURE it’s not “carbonated”?

well, what if I....

well, what if I….

but...WeREndangered!

but…WeREndangered!

And I just wanted to send another big pandy thanks to all of my amazing supporters who have ordered stuff from my Pandyland Store, which is a way you can support Panda Satire, and get some cool stuff for around your house as well! Because, you know…

What could be more endangered than joyriding pandas NOT wearing seat belts?

What could be more endangered than joyriding pandas NOT wearing seat belts?

Thanks for Being the Bear, and have a great weekend,
Bob T Panda!

The Pitter Patter of Little Paws, part 7

Things have been rather quiet in San Diego of late, but is that all going to change come July or August? Time will tell, but will the great Wu Self be ready?

What would Wu do?

What would Wu do?

Some might say that Bai Yun has more than done her part in the great panda proliferation project, but she is such a wonderful panda mom, it would be lovely to see her with one more cub. I’d happily volunteer to babysit if you know, she gets tired.

You’ll hear all about it here, at The Panda Chronicles, as we listen for the pitter patter of little paws.

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Private email part 2

Bob should take some small comfort in knowing that he is not the only political candidate that has had to reveal their personal emails after using their private email account for official emails related to their important government jobs.

But hey! you can get away with a lot when you are a panda, right, Mr. Pookie Bear?

"...and don't forget the Binky Bars!"

“…and don’t forget the Binky Bars!”

Fabulous Furry Friday: #WeREndangered!

Sunday’s cartoon was a lot of fun for me, and not just because of my coffee slinging history. I like it when Mehitabel has a chance to wig out and give the pandas a little what for.

Several people wrote in their comments that they would love to have a #WeREndangered coffee mug too, so I got right on it. I have a very neglected Cafe Press store, where you can buy things with various members of the Panda Chronicles on them. I know it is really time for some updated inventory, but only so many hours of the day and all that, you know.

I’ve long been wanting to design something with the Pandy Kindy in their Fez Mobile (or as I like to call it, their mobile fez-book app) and it occurred to me that this was the perfect place!

What could be more endangered than joyriding pandas NOT wearing seat belts?

What could be more endangered than joyriding pandas NOT wearing seat belts?

Because I love the idea that people can find my pandas here and read them for free, I try not to lean too heavily on the potential money making aspects of panda satire, because, that would be …um…annoying. However, making a little filthy lucre from selling books and panda satire products, does make it possible for me to keep doing this. At least until I get a MacArthur Genius Grant for Panda Satire, at which time I will just leave piles of my books on street corners for anyone who wants them…

And lest we forget that there STILL is no MacArthur Grant for Panda Satire....

And lest we forget that there STILL is no MacArthur Grant for Panda Satire….

So head over to the Cafe Press Pandyland store and order a couple of #WeREndangered coffee mugs! Heck! order a bunch for all your friends, and remember, without pandas, there can be no panda satire!

And to support pandas further, for every #WeREndangered mug that is ordered during the rest of April, we will make a liddle donation to Pandas International, because they are actually doing stuff to support pandas (and not just making fun of them like some people!)

Thanks for being the bear! Stay tuned to this station for some exciting announcements in the very near future, about panda princesses political perpetrations!

Bob T. Panda

Private email part 1

Oh dear. How was Bob to know that he shouldn’t send official campaign emails through his private email account? I mean, he is a panda and it’s really hard to type on all those little tiny keys when you have big furry paws. Why should he have to remember more than one password, for crying out loud? It’s not like more than…um…three people voted for him.

Well, Bob may have some competition in the next election cycle. I’ve heard rumors that Babette de Panda may throw her chapeau into the ring, and Pinky may not be content with being an icon.

Vote for pandas! We're endangered!

Vote for pandas! We’re endangered!

And…um, if you were procrastinating getting your taxes done, it’s time to bear up and get it done. I tried to find an amusing story to link to, but the only thing that didn’t make my head hurt was my own cartoon from last Friday. Sorry.

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

#WeREndangered

As a recovering former employee of the largest coffee chain in the galaxy, it was with great amusement that I read of their campaign to “instigate meaningful dialog about racism.” Not that this country doesn’t need some meaningful dialog on this issue, but the vehicle chosen by this particular industry was, at best, not well considered, and at worst….well, just saying….

As someone who worked for many years behind the counters of food and coffee establishments, I can say with a good amount of certainty, that the last thing someone who is standing in line waiting for their coffee in the morning is meaningful dialog beyond “large, leave room for cream, make that a double.” It’s bad enough to be behind the person who orders a “half caff, skim almond milk, extra foam, sprinkle of yak butter, cinnamon, caramel pandachino” let alone have to wait for them to have meaningful dialog about anything.

And I can pretty much guarantee that the barista, gazing at the line of 20+ people who have not had their coffee yet, does not want any more meaningful dialog beyond, “will that be cash, charge, or your first born?”

So, really, if you want to do something meaningful to eliminate racism, sexism, or intolerance of any kind, wouldn’t it be more meaningful to um…hire more people of color, or diverse life style choices in upper management level positions, for example? What do ya say, Howard?

Please note: we just read of Starbuck’s pledge to support Gay Marriage, which we applaud, and in the spirit of this announcement, we cordially invite anyone who really hates this idea to quit reading The Panda Chronicles. Pandas are in favor of tolerance, you know.

Meanwhile, we invite you to take part in our #WeREndangered campaign, and engage in our own brand of meaningful dialog*

*Making fun of pandas

This was way too much fun. :o)

This was way too much fun. :o)

Can I have my coffee now?

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda