Category Archives: the essential pandaness of being

Don’t Bogart that Agenda

It is really hard to make stuff up that is any funnier than what I hear on the news in real life. As you may know, (or may not, if you don’t pay attention to these sorts of things) that Washington State has legalized the sale and possession of Marijauna for consenting adults over the age of 21. Colorado, and possibly the District of Columbia have done so as well.

I listened in unabashed amusement, as I heard of a town in southeastern Washington that had gone one step further. Yep, the city council of North Bonneville had voted to open their own pot store. As much as I am not a fan of Foxy News, they did have the best (meaning most inflammatory) story about this.

Of course, Zoonooz had to comment on this.

Yo, don’t bogart that agenda, boys, pass it over to me….

Yeah, I know this doesn’t have anything to do with pandas.

Be the Bear (and pass the brownies!)
Bob T. Panda

Where Do We Go When…

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…we are poofed by a magical wand? This question has come up frequently (well, it does around here, I don’t know how often you come up against this problem!) at the offices at The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire! Just where do we go when we are “poofed”?

We recently heard a story on NPR about an office in Tokyo, where nine cats live and work side by side with all the people in the office. They claim that it reduces the stress levels in their employees. I don’t know if my stress levels would be reduced if I arrived at my desk to find a great big hairball barfed up on a report I had been working on for two weeks. But hey, maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, when considering where Mehitabel would end up when Pinky “poofed” her, I thought that maybe this would be a good place for her to go.

Mehitabel! Can you take a meeting?

I didn’t know they worked, either, Bob.

Be the Bear, and if you can’t be a bear, be the cat!
Bob T. Panda

Pandas Go Wild!

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A recent article by noted international Pandologist Henry Nicholls was brought to my attention by alert reader, Susan S. In the article, Nicholls talks about how wild pandas don’t …um…have that embarrassing problem that some zoo pandas have. Those pandas really know how to go wild!

Of course we of The Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire felt compelled to embarrass zoo pandas one more time. I mean, it’s what we do around here, isn’t it?

Thanks guys! No, really.

Oh, you brute!

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Are You Still Here?

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Are you still here?…That’s what Mehitabel must be saying to herself about now. Why didn’t I hold auditions? Why did I say okay, when Mei Xiang called me and asked if I could give Pinky a job, just a little something to help her through her transition to big girl panda?

But she didn’t, and now she is paying the price, of having a co-host with a big personality. Maybe Bob could come back early…I’m sure he’s learned his lesson by now, don’t you think?

Archie, is that you?

This story is also courtesy of Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me. What would I do without them?

Be the Bear!
Bob T. Panda

Journalistic Follies part 2

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You didn’t think we would just abandon Bob without resolving his attempt to revise history, claiming he was the unsung hero of Pinky’s infamous “Occupy Hemlock” sit-in, did you?

You did?

Ha!

We leave no journalistic follies unheralded, especially not those of Bob T. Panda! Did you miss Sunday’s episode? You can read it here.

And look who Bob’s suspension replacement is! Huzzah!

Huzzah! It is her own Princess self, Princess Pinky! Will Mehitabel come to regret this choice?

What do you think?

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Journalistic Follies

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A couple of weeks ago, a story hit the news: an anchorman misremembered or misspoke or what ever you want to call it, but anyway, he claimed he did something that didn’t happen. Since then a few other news show hosts and politicians have joined in with their own versions of revisionist histories. Here at the Institute for Contemporary Panda Satire, we are hardly in a position to cast the first (if any) stones, as our memory is hardly what it used to be.

Bob has his own journalistic follies to contend with.

Oh, Bob, you didn’t really say that, did you?

Leave it to Mehitabel to keep things on track!

Be the Bear,
Bob T Panda

More Selfies with Tigers; an update

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We recently received an update on the question of the wisdom of taking selfies with tigers, thanks to alert reader, mystery writer, and panda satire fan Sandra Parshall. It seems that there is a “thing” about posing for selfies with wild animals. Maybe people think it makes them look cool, or sexy, but one wonders how sexy you would look with a bear or a tiger clamped onto your arm. Or your head.

Really, just don’t do it.

New York state has decided that they needed legislation to protect people from their own…um…oh heck, I’m just going to say it…stupidity. Sigh.

Here’s our original tribute to selfies with tigers:

Much better to take a selfie with pandas!

You know we’re just kidding about this, right?

There was a bright side to this story, and that was Mehitabel got to be in a cartoon with one of her “peers” with no pandas! Huzzah! Not to worry, the pandas will be back on Friday.

Be the bear,
Bob T. Panda

More Pandas in the News

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I did promise you that I had a veritable plethora of panda tales (or was that tails?…no matter) and here is another absolutely true story which, coincidentally enough, is about pandas! Huzzah!

I swear, I can’t make this stuff up.

Today’s story is a tale of treachery, of impostor pandas, of impersonation of their black and white fluffy goodness. Is that a panda I see before me?

Apparently not.

Here’s the actual news story, so that you know I am not making this up. That includes the quote by the spokesperson for the Animal Protection Party. Just saying. Quite frankly, Mehitabel has way too many rights around my house, if you ask me.

Well, it LOOKED like a panda…

Stay tuned for more true stories and the panda kindergarten’s Chinese New Year Celebration coming up next week!

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Pandas in the News

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Those of you who have been following the exploits of Bob and the panda kindergarten for some time know that I am exceedingly fond of real news stories that either feature pandas or can be subverted to somehow be about pandas, even when they are not.

Are you following all that?

Anyway, our first story comes to us courtesy of alert readers Sarajane Eppley and Karen Willie, who both alerted me to this story about pandas’ relationship with themselves, or more accurately their reflections in mirrors. BBC Earth brings us this story about a peculiar panda particular!

This is a job for panda satire!

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is that handsome panda I see before me?

Thanks again to Karen and Sarajane for alerting me to this story. Tune in on Wednesday for another story of pandas in the news!

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda

Chinese New Year Preview

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It’s almost time for Chinese new Year, and once again the panda kindergarten will present their Salute to the New Year. That means it’s time for encore presentations of previous pandy kindy extravaganzas! Huzzah!

The year of the bunny…..

Oh that panda kindergarten!

And then there was The Year of the Dragon….

the year of the dragon, panda kindergarten

Huzzah! it’s the year of the Dragon!

Not to mention another of Bob’s literary attempts at greatness, inspired by the Year of the Dragon….

What do you mean by “was?”

And then we skipped the year of the Snake, because…um…snakes?

So then it was on to the Year of the Horse. Huzzah!

Huzzah! It’s The year of Pandas on Horsies!

I want to know when it will be the Year of the Panda? I mean, come on…pandas come from China, and yet we have no year of the PANDA!!!!!!!????

Mehitabel’s note: Pfft! Seems to me that around here it is ALWAYS the year of the panda. Get over it!

So stay tuned for this years salute to The Year of the Sheep! And (here comes the commercial!) remember that it can be the year of the panda everyday when you support The Panda Chronicles by buying our books! Huzzah! Thank you all who support us this way.

Be the Bear,
Bob T. Panda