Category Archives: ZooNooz

Where’s the Money, Lebowski?

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In the top five of my favorite 200 films, is The Big Lebowski, a film, that when it came out, came out to lackluster reviews, but over time has been proven to be a cult classic and has many hardcore fans. One of the films fans turns out to be Senator Adam Schiff. During some hearing or event or something, I can’t remember who he was referring to but he quoted the Dude saying to his friend, the semi psychotic bowling buddy, Walter Sobchek: “You’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an asshole“

At least six of the Coen brother’s films are in my top five favorites. Take that math and suck on it!

Anyway…

…a few weeks ago, there was a hearing when Senator Sheldon Whitehouse was questioning DJT’s personal attorney AG Dead Eyes Pammy Jo about an alleged bribe in the form of $50,000 cash in a bag that was given to one of F45’s henchman. Pammy Jo was extremely evasive as to whether the cash had been returned to the undercover FBI agents or if not returned, declared on the person’s IRS return.

I kept waiting for Senator Schiff to leap up and yell…

WHERE’S THE MONEY, LEBOWSKI???

So I had to draw this:

Congratulations are in order to Virginia, New Jersey, and NYC for the fabulous outcome to Tuesday’s election. I believe Abigail Spanberger, Mikie Sherrill, and Zohran Mamdani will be great leaders to their respective states and city. I’m riding the wave of hope as far as it will take me.

Stay strong, everyone.

Be the Bear
Bob T a win is a win is a win Panda

If you haven’t yet seen The Big Lebowski, what are you doing standing around reading The Panda Chronicles?

The Problem With Vampires…

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…is they keep coming back. (Apologies to vampire lovers out there, you know who you are…)

Just when we thought we were well and truly rid of the worst people in government, wouldn’t you know, they rose up on a tsunami of lies and managed to get back into power. And now here we are in the spooky season, with the government shutdown and honestly, there really wasn’t a “good” option for the Democrats, just bad and really bad.

But here we are and ZooNooZ is one Media giant that has not caved to F45 and his goons.

Apologies to people who actually like hairless cats. I don’t understand it, but I stand with you.

Be the Bear!
Bob T is not trying to be offensive Panda

Karma’s Gonna Get You

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We have yet another report from the League of Animal Justice today! Multiple astute readers alerted me to this very important story about a Cape Buffalo who dispatched a trophy hunter down in the Limpopo game reserve. Seems like there is an organized effort there to counter violent extremists who invade their peaceful paradise.

Karma’s a bitch, ya know?

Just sayin’! What goes around comes around, if there is anyone *ahem* who needs to hear this.*

  • Hopefully they are not reading the Panda Chronicles.

Be the Bear!
Bob T lunch on the Limpopo Panda

Does It Feel Cold In Here? How To Know When You’ve Been Iced

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I’m not gonna lie. It feels pretty dark right now. The House Republicans have passed their No Billionaire left Behind Bill, aka Billions for Billionaires Bill. Rural hospitals will close, as people lose their Medicaid health insurance. The ripple effects will be felt in all corners of the country. Spending FEMA money on concentration camps seems like a bad idea, just as hurricane season takes hold. Tent camps in Florida? What could go wrong?

Meanwhile, the only reliable NooZ source is covering the important story of the day.

Of course, Nixon’s Ghost has entered the chat.

Be the Bear
Bob T is trying not to panic Panda

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Story for Yet Another Instance of Bears Behaving Badly (UK Edition)

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When at least a dozen people alert me to a NooZ story about bears AND all the major networks, major noozpapers and Youtube cover the story, you know that either the bears have eaten someone important (don’t get your hopes up), or some bears have done something adorable but naughty!

Young Pookies Mish and Lucy, a brother and sister pair rescued in Albania in 2021, had gone to live at an animal sanctuary in Devon, in the UK. A wild release had been attempted when they were a couple years old, but, ever the smartie bears, Mish and Lucy knew a good thing when they saw it, and refused the offer to “be free bears!”

While all the major NooZ outlets had the story, ONLY ZooNooZ got the interview!

The keepers referred to them as “naughty bears” in one story, and said if they ever see those other bears again, you know, the one with the hat and the other one with the fuzzy dice hooked over his ear, they will shoot them on sight.

“They appear to be a bad influence on our sweet, innocent bears,” said one keeper. “We can’t have them corrupting our young bears with their thieving ways.”

Frank and Mikey were unavailable for comment.

Be the Bear
Bob T I thought we needed a fun story Panda

Nixon’s Ghost Returns!

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Have you ever noticed how little difference there is between “gift” and “g(r)ift?”

Nixon’s Ghost makes another appearance as an official guest correspondent on the ZooNooZ panel! Who needs 60 Minutes when you have ZooNooZ?

It’s been quite the week, hasn’t it? Call or email your reps, watch some panda videos, (Binky Li and Queen Bee have been romping up a storm in DC. At least something good is happening there) and then go outside!

I’m listening to Taylor Swift and The Boss, because they are both hot as hell and they are much better to chair dance to than the whining coming out of the WH from F45v2.0.

Be the Bear!
Bob T winning not whining Panda

A Pope by Any Other Name…

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Bob T couldn’t help but be excited that the new Pope’s name was Bob. He…um….doesn’t understand the whole Pope naming thing. I wonder if he’ll have a hard time visiting the US, given that his name of his passport won’t match the one on his birth certificate.

Still hanging in there!

Be the Bear
Bob T the infallible Panda

More Bears Behaving Badly at Lake Tahoe

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I wasn’t sure if I’d get this done for today, but here we are!

Bears are continuing to behave badly in the Lake Tahoe area (Henrietta says it wasn’t her!) Alert reader Linda L spotted this NooZ story about a bear named Cinnamon (allegedly) who (allegedly) stole a 3 gallon tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream from a local shop (allegedly).

“I don’t know what the fuss is all about,” said former Tahoe resident Henrietta the Tank from her new address in Colorado at a luxury “residential facility”. “It’s not like they can’t make more ice cream. Honestly! Nobody wants to share any more!.”

We all scream for democracy…um…I mean ice cream

Be the Bear
Bob T make mine a triple scoop Panda